I always tell people, after we had our first miscarriage the physical pain was almost unbearable. I was further along and the whole experience was just awful. Coming out of that terribly hard season, I learned so much about God and His love for me ( see my Miracles Through Miscarriage blog for more details ). Fast forward → 6 months later, we found ourselves pregnant again! We were SO happy AND hopeful! I wasn’t even fearing miscarriage because I knew there was NO WAY that would happen AGAIN! I was also so sick this time around and took that as a very good sign.
The week I turned 5 weeks pregnant I woke up feeling sick, went to the bathroom, and noticed I had started spotting. I screamed at the top of my lungs, “NOOOOOO!!!! No no no no.” Over and over until I realized, Oh. My. Gosh. This is happening again. How am I going to survive this again? I’m not even fully healed from our first loss. I was on the bathroom floor begging God to save my baby, pleading, screaming, just broken, shattered. How? Why? The bleeding picked up and our baby was gone. Just like that. Gone.
The days following our second loss were very hard emotionally. This time around my world was ROCKED. I was questioning things regarding my faith more than ever. I remember putting Brooks to bed the night we lost the baby and we always say prayers, but this night the only word I could muster up was “God”. That’s it. That was my prayer. I felt so guilty that I couldn’t even lead my son in prayer. I felt so betrayed by God.
Just one week after we lost the baby, our church started a sermon series called “When God Doesn’t”. When Joe and I heard the title we both just looked at each other thinking oh my gosh. That sermon series changed my way of thinking and had a HUGE impact on my healing. I learned that my default setting in tragedy was to blame God for not answering my prayers when in reality I have no idea what the big picture for our life looks like. Instead of blaming God, I began inviting Him in to join me in my suffering. He died on the cross and bore the weight of the world on His shoulders for moments like these. He is heartbroken alongside me. He wants to take my story that satan tried to use for evil and TURN IT FOR GOOD. His plans are not my own, I may not understand at the moment, but I know He is good. I was challenged to look at the character of God. He hasn’t failed me yet.
And that’s when my healing began.
I am so thankful that I have an OB/GYN who took my situation very seriously and referred me to a fertility specialist right away. I am also so very thankful that the doctor I am seeing specializes in “recurrent pregnancy loss”, so he too takes this very seriously. He ran every test in the book and if you know me at all, you know that’s my kind of doctor. 🙂
I became a “regular” up at the labs. One day they had to draw 10 or more vials of blood and I literally almost hit the floor ( ask Joe he was there ). I remember all of the different tubes that would hold the blood had different colored caps, and the nurse said something like “We are drawing the rainbow today!” When she said that I just felt Jesus right there with me. I was reminded that we were doing all of this for our rainbow baby and it was 110% worth it. That got me through.
Here’s what was revealed.
A condition was found that can be managed with vitamin supplements! MAJOR praise!! I will be prescribed progesterone to aid in supporting a healthy, growing baby! I also found out that I will have to undergo a small procedure to ensure that the baby will have a healthy environment to grow in!
We prayed for answers. We got them.
We prayed they would be simple fixes. They are.
Thank you, Lord, for answered prayers. It is a miracle that we have remained so hopeful, but this sense of hope that you feel coming from us is real. It’s supernatural. I ask Jesus for it & He offers it.
Thank you for the prayers. From the bottom of our hearts, we feel them beyond what we could ever explain.
Xo Soph
Love you friend! I can’t wait to hear the good news! 🥳
thanks friend!!